When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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