Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
