Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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