i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
