Whod you bang
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
