I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
