dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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