hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She told me I should be a condom model.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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