dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
