your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
