That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
