My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
