you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
