dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He did a backflip because drugs
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
