He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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