the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
The adults are the big ones right?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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