So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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