ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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