You don't have asthma, your pregnant
just come out here and I will go home with you...
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
