It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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