Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
