okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
