You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
