I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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