My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
