Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
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