I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
