Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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