I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
