Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
