Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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