take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
This couple is walking their pig around campus
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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