y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
