I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
