Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
