I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
