This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
