I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
