Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I can text with my tongue
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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