my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
