I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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