There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
