i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
