Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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