I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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