it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
