Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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