I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
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