my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
