Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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